fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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