defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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