don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
