My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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