Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize