Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
