Moan for me like Helen Keller
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
