Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
