my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
