Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
