If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
