My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize