You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
