so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
