i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
