That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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