I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
