I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
