My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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