hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
smell my finger.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
