I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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