I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
