I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Drake has all the answers
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
