She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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