Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
