Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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