I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
