Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
