____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
my poor anus
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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