I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
