Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
