The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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