I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
