just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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