she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ketchup is God's man juice
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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