im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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