i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
