Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
