Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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