I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
