Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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