just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm passing your future prison.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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