Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
