dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
