Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
love makes seman taste better
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
