Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
