i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
