Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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