i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
