Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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