I think I died a long time ago.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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