she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
