This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize