i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
