So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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