If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Pooping to opera.
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