So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
