It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
