once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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