Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
