As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
