I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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