I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
