I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think my moral compass just broke
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
