In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she peed on how many people?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
my poor anus
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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