I'm going to jail i love you
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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