my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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