I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
