yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
