So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
