My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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